Ever wonder why there are some things in your life you just can’t seem to overcome, no matter how hard you try? Ever beat yourself up about it? Is it your weight? Intimate relationships? Career and success? Ever wonder what’s wrong with you? Are you afraid to even talk about it anymore to others because you sound like a broken record that even you’re tired of? Why is it that so many of us suffer from this condition and what can be done about it?
Like most people, I have personally suffered and agonized for years over my inability to “fix” certain parts of my life. Elements of my parenting, personal health, money, career, even my marriage always seemed out of my domain and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t seem to master these critical areas of my life. The only thing I could master was beating myself up about it.
From the outside looking in however, I seemed to have it all together. I mean I did have healthy children, a career, marriage and a roof over my head, but deep down I always knew that part of me was maintaining, but not thriving. It was like I was covered in a thin plastic coating. I could see out, but something was just off. Somehow though, because things were not a complete and total mess, talking about my dissatisfaction with what was always seemed ungrateful, like I wasn’t appreciative of what I had.
Yet still, the nagging feeling lingered. Sometimes, it would seem to get clear, but then like touching a reflection of oneself in the water, it would get fuzzy just as soon as I seemed to get close. Then, I discovered the answer:
I had shadow, limiting beliefs about myself that were buried in my subconscious.
What are Shadow Beliefs?
Shadow beliefs are limiting, dis-empowering beliefs that we all carry about ourselves, but we’re not fully conscious of. As human beings, we live in both the light and the dark of ourselves. We are so busy resisting the dark thoughts, pushing them down, talking ourselves out of them, that we normally don’t allow the feelings to fully surface so we can feel and then face them. Shadow beliefs are PAINFUL. They’re the uncomfortable, shameful things we most don’t want to believe about ourselves. Yet while we don’t fully believe them, there’s a part of us that does believe them, and that’s why it hurts so much. Yet we fight. But in the fighting of them, ironically these beliefs run more of our lives than we want to admit.
Why are Shadow Beliefs important? Because we BECOME what we BELIEVE.
There is ABSOLUTELY NO EXCEPTION TO THIS RULE. While this of course sounds logical to most people, they then often wonder why they don’t have the life they want. Instead of tackling their own inner beliefs, most resist the thoughts, or blame others, their circumstances, their upbringing and anything else they can think of. Unfortunately, some of the most destructive beliefs we have are so deeply ingrained that we’re practically unconscious of them at this point. They were learned and practiced so long ago that the thoughts play and are in effect in our lives without our full awareness.
Can Shadow Beliefs Be Changed?
Awareness is everything. Identifying, Acknowledging, Releasing and Changing our limiting beliefs is one of the most empowering experiences we can have. And once you start getting good at it, it’s very addictive.
Ironically, of course I figured this out myself through a coaching session. I consider myself a pretty aware person, but like my Coach Trainer Rick Tamlyn says, “Our human-ness lives with our human-mess.” I knew it was going to be a rough day…
We probed and uncovered my key shadow belief about my life – My fear of not belonging. This is a belief that has chased me all my life, and when I look back at choices that I’ve made, so many have ultimately been from this place of fearing that “I didn’t belong” or that something was fundamentally wrong with me. I’ve desperately been trying to hide and run away from this feeling. I had to fully sit with it, the pain and the shame of it before I could get a handle on it. I’m not ashamed of it anymore, because I know that I’m not alone and so many people have a same or similar belief about themselves. If my honesty about it makes someone else able to admit the shadow beliefs that have run their lives and start to get a handle on it, then it’s worth it.
What You Can Do About Your Shadow Beliefs Right Now
If you haven’t already, please subscribe to my blog and download the FREE Master Your Vision Workbook. Inside, there is a detailed and effective step by step process for how you can begin to confront and address your shadow beliefs.
If you’re serious about really tackling this issue, it’s honestly work that’s best done with a trained, objective coach. There’s a reason why it’s so tough to do this work on our own and if there’s ever something worth trying to uncover and work on, it’s the limiting beliefs that are holding you back from the life you really want.
If you’re interested in uncovering your limiting, invisible beliefs and want to change them, please contact me at kisha@visionarylegacyproject.com
In service of your visionary legacy,
Kisha
