(click here to watch this video on youtube)
Ugh. Comparison. You know, you know deep down inside that you shouldn’t do it, yet like a bad habit, you see someone with the body you want or the man you want or the life you want and you get out the measuring stick before you even know what happened. When you catch yourself, maybe you try to convince yourself that you don’t want what they have, even though you know it’s not true. Here are some of the best ways I’ve found to combat comparison.
1. Use comparison as an excuse to get inspired, not to beat up on yourself or be less than.
More often than not, when we’re comparing ourselves to someone its because they have something that we want or wish we had. Then, all the shame gremlins come out and they start telling you what a horrible person you are for NOT having/NOT accomplished/NOT achieved that particular goal. Then we cycle through the person and come up with reasons they had an unfair advantage at achieving this thing, or try to talk ourselves out of wanting it for ourselves because we’re secretly really mad that we don’t have it outselves. This is a gut wrenching and painful inner dialogue.
Instead of the normal cycle, ask yourself some different questions:
What traits about this person do I admire and wish I had?
What habits do I think that this person must adopt in order to have the thing(s) I want?
What could I start doing to incorporate these habits into my daily life?
Curiosity goes a long way towards getting to the bottom of what’s REALLY bothering you about areas of your life that you want to improve. Used correctly, this can be a powerful tool for you to learn more about yourself and your own patters and what makes you tick.
2. Recognize that you have no idea what you’re measuring.
By the way, this also applies if you compare yourself to someone and “come out” better. Reality TV watch much? We love looking at the lives of others and finding them a mess so we can say, well at least my life isn’t like THAT. Well guess what, it’s just as destructive.
Obviously, and this is true especially if you’re on Facebook comparing yourself to others, people only show us a fragment or a glimmer of their lives. From the outside looking in, so many peoples lives may seem glamorous or desirable, or they can seem to have life, job, family or relationship you want. The truth is, you really can never know for sure what people’s lives are like behind closed doors. People do a lot of work (you do too) to make sure that you never see the full picture. Reminding yourself of this is key.
3. Remember that you can have the FEELING of ANYTHING you want, whether you have it or not.
Anyone who wants anything in this life wants it because of the feeling of it. Right? Well guess what, your brain doesn’t know the difference from the pleasure you get having the thing that you want in your hands or in your experience or the FEELING you give yourself when you IMAGINE having it. You might be using the “thing” as an excuse, as in “I’ll feel this way when I have that”, but the experience can be yours with a half hour visualization exercise RIGHT NOW.
Why not give yourself a moment to “have” what it is that you want? Enjoy the experience of it. It will also help motivate you to actually achieve or have whatever it is you want!
4. Get a powerful affirmation to stop comparison and make it a part of your everyday ritual.
My all time favorite is from Deepak Chopra
“I am beneath no one. I am superior to no one. I am fearless. I am immune to criticism”
Ahh.. Love it. I do this one in the mirror EVERY DAY. It’s a powerhouse affirmation. Sometimes you may have to do it more than once, but if you build up momentum behind it by doing it daily, it will really serve you well.
5. Acknowledge and Celebrate the things about YOU that are unique and different!
For you, there is NO competition and NO comparison. Though we get comfort in our sameness, we were designed to be unique, individual creatures. Once you really embrace the fact that you are not SUPPOSED to be like anyone else, it’s easier to make peace with who you are. Too often, we don’t acknowledge and celebrate the things that make us special and different. In fact, we tend to hide them.
Trust me, the more you celebrate who you really are, the less you’ll have need for comparison in the first place!
In service of your visionary legacy,
Kisha
