Look, we ALL want to please people. It’s our nature. We’ve been groomed to care deeply what others think of us. I spent years just trying to get people to like me. Lots of time well wasted, but I didn’t know any better at the time. Here’s the problem with needing people to like me. So many times, this has lead me to doing the wrong thing for the right reason. Has that ever happened to you? Well, it’s time to stop, already!
I mean, this is all common sense right? Everyone likes to go around saying, “Oh yes, speak your mind!”, but the second what you’re saying doesn’t make them happy, you’re “rude and insensitive.” Hmm. So, you wind up doing one of two things, either you don’t say what you want to say, or don’t do what you REALLY want to do, and are mad as hell when that very thing you didn’t say or do comes back to bite you in the ass OR maybe you do say or do that thing you wanted, but you didn’t stay around for the aftermath. You drop the bomb of your truth in an email or on a voice message or maybe on the phone, but are sure to hang up in righteous indignation or just not let the other person talk because YOU KNOW that shit you said was the truth.
Here’s where it gets sticky. Not giving a damn about what people think isn’t just about only your voice being heard, or being louder than everyone else so you can shout them down and drown out their opinion. Not giving a damn what other people think is about being so CENTERED, CALM and SELF ASSURED that you can speak, walk, talk and LIVE YOUR TRUTH at all times, under any circumstances and in any conditions. It means that you don’t expect everyone to understand or co-sign who you are, and you don’t need them to. However, the people who DO get you, who DO understand you, who DO appreciate you, do so with such rabid loyalty that it will shock and amaze you. And if those who don’t get you have something to say, you can listen, give them space, HEAR them and if the energy and opportunity is right, maybe you enroll them into your position, or maybe you listen and see if there are any points worth adopting.
See? Easy. No foaming at the mouth, no heat. Not giving a damn about what people think is a lot less dramatic than it seems. If you still find yourself cursing a lot of people out, then chances are you still REALLY care what those people think. But, if you’re really doing it right (and it’s not easy to keep up 24 hours a day, but you can get longer and longer stretches with practice), it should really just be like checking in with and getting into alignment with your true, core GUT self every day.
You know that feeling of ABSOLUTE CERTAINTY. When you know, that you know, that you know that you know? Yeah, that kind. See you have to give YOURSELF that feeling sometimes. If you need it too much from others, then it will always be fleeting, but when you can stand on something that’s at work on the INSIDE of you, then you don’t need, care or even want everyone to agree with you all the time. See, when you have that kind of feeling, you’re comfortable being alone a bit, set apart a bit.
And that’s what it boils down to. How long can you stand? How long can you believe in what you believe without needing anyone else? How deep can you go? How powerful is the MEANING behind what your beliefs and convictions are? Because that’s the only measuring stick. If you don’t have the right WHY, then you’ll always need others to agree or even disagree with you so you can feel more significant. But when your WHY is deep and strong, when you can summon it at will, with power and strength, then come what may, nothing else will even matter, because it all starts to look like food to your WHY.
I have one job. My job is to be the sacred warrior that unleashes authentic story and voice unto this planet. Period. I do this now as a coach, I’ve really been doing it my whole life and I’ll continue to do it in many, many, many ways. WHY? Because I know what its like to have your voice NOT matter. I know what it’s like to have your story silenced, and I will not tolerate it so to the point that I will do any and everything in my power to blaze and clear paths for more voices and more stories. Because that IS what the world needs. Some people love what I do. Food. Some people don’t “get” what I do. Yummy, I’ll have some of that too. A client says yes? Gorgeous. Fantastic. Divine. A client says no? Oh, SO, SO good I can’t wait to scarf that down. (My belief is that anyone who says no to me today, will be the person begging me to say yes tomorrow, so I LOVE A NO). At this point, good, bad, ugly or indifferent. It matters not. All reactions are whipped up in my WHY kitchen into something delicious and motivating for me to eat.
What’s in your kitchen?
How did you stop giving a damn? Let me know in the comments below!