Now What? What happens when despite your best efforts and your planning, something still goes wrong? What to do when you’re crushed under the weight of pain and disappointment and you’re beating yourself up because you feel responsible, or like you should have known better?
Failure. It’s a terrible word. No one wants to experience it, yet we all do from time to time. The thing just did not work out. Or maybe it did come together but failed financially and you feel guilt and shame over the outcome.
Though we may be loath to hear it when we’re wrestling in the thick of things, but at the end of the day, if there is a problem, there is always a solution. The solution might not be the fixing of the literal thing, but might come in the form of learning, understanding and growth that’s needed in our lives. Therefore the most important step we can make in the process is this:
Redefine our Disappointments, Challenges and Failures. We’re a sensitive lot, us creative types. We tend to both live and die under the challenges, pressures and failures that we face. On one hand, they can motivate us and steel our souls for battle, on the other hand, they can also unravel and unwind us if we haven’t prepared ourselves properly. However, truly successful creatives have a very different definition of failure than most people.
There is no such thing failure. When success is claimed in the creation itself, the only real failure is the refusal to try.
Most people cynically look at this and say “Who cares if I think its good if the whole world rejects it.” Most people miss the point. If you only like or validate your work when others do, an even more dangerous relationship is created. Remember, our true creative Source is flowing through us. When we bless the force of the creation by celebrating our ability to allow it in our lives, we claim our true power in the process. When we make creation itself the goal, then we create a stronger interlude point for Source to continue to flow creatively in our experience. As that spiritual connection grows, so will people’s interest in whatever we’re creating from that connection.
The bottom line is, we must give that disappointment and failure a new meaning, and quickly.
“New meaning isn’t about shellacking a nice happy face over crap. It’s about redefining what the experience means in our life. The silver lining is just as real as the cloud, but our focus on the silver lining helps us get from under the cloud a lot quicker.”
Learning, Changing, Growing
Yank off that warm comforter of blaming other people for what happened. Assigning fault and pointing fingers only takes control of your life out of your hands. That’s never good.
Learning and growing from failure makes the actual failing look easy, but the real warriors DO THIS WORK. I wish it was another way, but the Universe is faithful on this one. If you don’t learn the lessons now, they will return in another shape or form, of that you can rest assured.
It’s best to do this work with support. When we’re deep in, it can be really hard to see the woods for the trees. Whether its a close family member, friend, spouse or coach, find a loving partner to help you do this work. It’s normally not pretty. So here are some probing questions to get to the bottom of what really went wrong:
What yellow flags did I miss? Where did I not listen to myself/my gut/my intuition? Why? How can I change that? What am I resisting? What am I overlooking? How do I sabotage myself? What are my false assumptions? What could be the gift of this situation? What fear do I now need to face?
As hard as the work is, it’s definitely worth it. At the end of the day, there is no real failure, just lessons that need to be learned. Tough lessons, yes, but not impossible. There is always something worthwhile on the other side.
How did you overcome your failure or disappointment? Let us know! We love to hear your comments.