OK. So if you’ve already read Part 1, you should be ahead of the game right now. You’ve partnered up with your fear. You know that you can’t totally get rid of it, but you’re sick enough of it running the show, that you’ve decided to figure out how to work with it. Now, let’s do this dance right.
Part One – Recap
You’ve done the hardest part – just acknowledging the fear. We spend so much time and energy resisting it because we don’t want it to be the case. We say we’re stuck, there are no options, we blame we resist, resist, resist. Our acknowledgment of our fears is so important, because just the awareness puts us back in control. That’s when we can take this crappy sack of lemons and start looking for some sugar and water to make this work!
Dancing With Fear – How Worthiness Comes Into Play
Most of my deepest and darkest fears are rooted in shame and all shame is rooted in powerlessness. When I am most paralyzed by fear, it is because I am consumed with worry over my shadow belief that despite all of my best efforts, that all my work will be in vain because I am not enough, I don’t belong.
That dark, twisted knot that sits at the pit of my stomach makes me feel small, helpless and alone. Then, after too long the anger comes, if for nothing to drive out the feeling of powerlessness that’s so crippling it’s tough to stay there. The anger is useful…to a degree. If left alone, the shame and powerlessness will return soon enough, so this is why at this point, once anger has set in and fear has been acknowledged, that worthiness must have it’s moment.
If you don’t take the time to connect with your own sense of worthiness — the fact that you DESERVE the life you truly want — your actions will be in vain.
Action for sure is the antidote to fear, there is no question. And act you will and you MUST. However, the missing piece so often I find in people’s journey to overcoming fear is taking the moment to believe you are worthy of overcoming. Shame does horrible things to our inner dialogue. So often, when things have been bad or wrong for a long time, part of us believes that we deserve these bad things, that our rotten core has been finally and painfully exposed and that this hell we’re living in is retribution for our very being. This is the real lie.
Yes, we must take responsibility for our situation. There’s no question of that. Any behaviors or patterns that you have experienced or continue to experience are there to teach and grow you and growth isn’t always pretty. But you have to believe that you deserve to be on the other side of it. Whether you meditate, pray, journal or sit with nature in a state of appreciation, take the time to develop a worthiness ritual. Connect to the larger part of you that is your spirit and soul and know that if you do nothing else, your seat at the table of life always has and always will be reserved and waiting for you.
Time for Action!
OK! Dance partner. Check.
Worthiness playing on the radio? Check. Check.
So, now here’s the fun part. Creating your Vision and Making A Plan. As I’ve detailed before, Any vision or goals you create must be specific, measurable and attainable. Nothing cuts through fear like a clear vision and plan for what you need to do, backed up by the emotional juice that is your reason for doing it.
Grab a piece of paper and lay out your goals. What exactly do you want? Some might be broader than others, but start whittling them down into quarterly and weekly “bites” of what you want to do. Progress alone (even before you’ve attained what you want) on just some of your goals will give you a much needed boost of momentum.
Next, write down all the reasons WHY you want what you want. Really stop and think of why these things are important to you and what you gain from doing them and what you would lose if you don’t.
Post and read your monthly goals twice a day if you can. Edit and re-work them if you must, but don’t lose your focus on them. Celebrate when you achieve them and re-calibrate when you don’t. You’ll still have moments of worry and you might lose your step from time to time. Just remember this is your dance, your life. No one misstep can define the whole of who you are if you don’t let it.
How do you dance with fear? Let us know in the comments below!
In service of your visionary legacy,